It's one o'clock in the night at the Istanbul airport. The day before Christmas has just started. I take a cup of Chai tea from the counter and walk across the lounge to sit down to a leather chair just socks on my tired feet. I take a zip of my tea and check my phone. It's charging from a battery bank. Laying on my homework pile I took with me to the hand luggage.
My mom is sitting on the chair next to me, sleeping. My brother next to her, finishing his final projects for school on the computer and bouncing his head to the beat of music in his headphones. Dad is scrolling through his phone with a banana on his other hand.
It's quiet. The only ones keeping any kind of noise are those who are leaving to continue their journey or stopping to sit down for a moment. Others are resting their eyes on the couches. Or drinking coffee to stay up 'til their planes leave. Ours will depart at 2:40. To land on the Jakarta airport 6 o'clock in the evening. Few hours before Arno does. He is now flying somewhere in between of Moskow and Hongkong. Left earlier than we did. I kissed him goodbyes on the train before he jumped off to switch to an airport transit. I stayed. Went to work. And from there straight to the airport.
I stand up and walk to the other end of the room. To the massive glass walls that open the view down to the hall were people pass by scrolling luggage or looking into the tax free shops. It's so busy. Just by looking down you could never guess what time of the day it is. People are up. Talking on phones, shopping, holding hands. Few gown wearing Muslims are reading the flight schedule. That's one of the only things that gives you the sense of time. Time passing. Otherwise it is so timeless. Airports usually are. There's always someone. People travelling through day and night. Shops open no matter how late it is - you ca always purchase a perfume.
Words of my colleague cross my mind. "Why do you think you became so international?"
Looking down to the moving crowd below me clears it a little. I like my world a little bigger and more interesting. I like the wide view, not just the northern perspective. I don't just think outside the box, I get outside of it not to feel trapped somewhere that doesn't fit me. I like life that gives me both lemons and coconuts. Takes me out in the middle of the night and teaches me new thing every day - off school and office and shows me what it is really like to see differently. I was't meant to live on one place, I think there is so much beyond the boarders. I love to lose the track of time, to dive into the timelessness or to wander in time and space.
I take another zip of my spicy tea and get back to my chair. My mom wakes up. She looks at the clocks ticking on the wall. She shakes her head, asks why the time is going so slow and picks up a book. I shrug my shoulders.
Maybe it is all about slowing our time? Maybe it feels like we lived longer if we did more and saw wider? Or maybe I just enjoy the tick of a different time zone?
The room fills up with people. Most of them around my age, some older than me. Students. From different countries. Giggling and talking to each other. And I am the only one sitting down. Trying to look like I am doing something important scrolling through my phone, when in fact I am looking around to all those people. My hands are shaking. My stomach twists. I stand up, walk out of the hall, behind the corner and start to run away.
I am a writer. I have been talking publicly so many times. performed for thousands of people, had media interviews since early age, amazing job opportunities... I have survived sicknesses, faced death many times. I have moved around, been alone and traveled the world... And if I would get a dollar every time someone calls me fearless, I would probably be able to travel to all the 10 countries we just wrote about in our last post. That's how much I hear it. Not bragging here - believe it or not - I don't always find it that positive, even though it is meant to be a nice complement. But it definitely is not true. I am not fearless. I am far from being fearless. I get scared. I have been scared so many times. I have feared through it all.
"Oh, I think it is so fearless to travel alone all the way to Africa! I mean it is super dangerous right!? Are you not scared to walk around?" "Wow! You have published three books? Nobody dears to do that in your age!" "Oh you just don't fear to jump into a plane and move to another country just like that!" "But where you not scared of dying when you got the seizures from dengue fever? That's why I don't dear to go outside Europe!"
Yeah.. I kind of get where they are coming from. It seems definitely fearless. But the coin has its flip side. Maybe I have not been scared of dying, or putting my books out there. Maybe walking around the poor suburbs in Africa or Asia in the middle of the night or switching planes on foreign airports doesn't scare me. But I am scared of other things. I think there is noting as stressful as driving around with a Helsinki city bus - or the other buses that take you from Helsinki to another city in Finland. I mean, what comes to planes, you usually don't step into a wrong one accidentally or get off too early/late. But stepping out on a wrong bus stop makes my hands shake like craaaazy. So I rather travel with three different planes than two different buses.. And maybe I am not scared of talking in a TV interview but oh if you take me in front of my class.. I will be red and can't get a word out of my mouth. Maybe I didn't seem to be scared to move to Africa or America, but I for sure was scared to come back. Or to let everyone else stay. And yet today I am scared that I will never fit in again as everyone has continued living when I was gone. Maybe I didn't fear the dark suburbs in Zimbabwe or Cambodia, but I for sure can start crying if I missed a turn on a dark highway in Finland. And I am not scared of dengue fever or other illnesses I may catch outside Europe. But oh boy did I cry when they pulled out my wisdom tooth... So it's not that simple.
I would much rather just be brave. Fearless doesn't fit me. It doesn't leave room for fear. Brave - on the other hand - means that you overcome your fears and doubts.
Change is inevitable. The only thing that is sure is that nothing is sure. You know there are those moments in your life when you have to turn the page. One chapter ends and another one begins. There is no going back. No reversing. Nothing will be the same ever again. And then there are days when you finish one book. And start a another one. That's when you totally let go of knowing what will happen next. You have absolutely no idea, all your plans and scenarios can be trashed in seconds.
On Tuesday I kissed my army-green boyfriend a goodbye for the last time. I will probably (hopefully) never see him again in those clothes. I will never visit him on the navy base. I kissed him and told that he is very brave - with 165 days behind him he is braver than I ever thought he would be. And then I drove through the dark base and watched the gates to close behind me for the last time now. Because tomorrow - or in 12 hours. At 1:30 pm he will be released from the service of the Finnish army. A chapter in our lives will be over. And a week after that we will be in a plane to Indonesia. And two weeks after coming back from our trip my job contract is supposed to end. And after that? I don't know. I couldn't know. We made plans about travelling for a few months but with all the school applications and my medical treatments it may not be possible. We were planing on moving to a another city. But that won't be happening if we don't get into our schools. And I mean, anything can happen. So no, I can't plan for more than a couple of weeks. It's a whole new book coming up.
What I know is that my boyfriend will be finally home. We will come back to a same address every night for a few months now. I moved out of my apartment and he from his house. One chapter has ended. And maybe that's "stupid" to move so quickly, or so I have heard (since we haven't dated for a year yet and known for only a little over a year). And I am not fearless. I am scared. But being scared is not a sign of failure or a sign of weakness. It's being human.
I stood up on that scene in that seminar crowded with the students. I stood there my hands shaking, my cheeks all red and my voice breaking as I tried to speak. I looked down and wished I was one of the students trying to learn about working in a media house, not standing up there and trying to mumble about my experiences and my job - how to be fearless and succeed. And the only question or word I could come up with was "wazzup?" I think latest in that point everyone saw that I was terrified. Not that I wouldn't have talked to many many more people in many meetings before, but standing in front of those students I thought they would hate me. But I got smiles and answers. "AWESOME!" the crowd answered. They backed my up. They saw I wasn't fearless, I was scared. I was human. But I kept standing there, talking. And slowly it became easier. The crowd had fun and plenty people came afterwards to tell me I was very brave to do that! Oh, how good did that feel!
So no, I am not fearlessly just making all the big changes, finishing books and changing my story. Because change is always scary. But we can either run from it or stand there, shaky and terrified. Doing things that scare us, being brave the best we can and learn from it. At least for each other. And I know it won't be easy. It will be scary. But I will be brave for us.
Linnea & Arno: We have been asked a while ago to make a list of 10 places we would like to travel. And now we got it going. Yet we realized that it was a little hard due the fact that we have been in so many places. So this should not be taken as a recommendation list. We would absolutely recommend places like Victoria Falls and China, but we have both been there so this is a list of places we would go now if we won the lottery or so. Other reason why it's so hard is that world is so full of awesome places that 10 just wasn't enough! But enjoy! We will also tell you where we are heading in two weeks!
North Korea
Traveling to North Korea is a rather interesting yet controversial idea. Going there is probably an amazing experience but at the same time you're sponsoring the government financially that does all these violations again human rights. I guess it intrigues travelers mainly due to it's unique status. There is no other country that is so isolated and still living in the past like North Korea. Infrastructure is crumbling, except for the capital Pyongyang which they try to still keep up as an example of North Korean wealth and the elite lives there. It would be rather interesting also to visit the smaller cities and towns with their worn down infrastructure and old industrial factories which stopped running in the 90's. The downside about traveling to North Korea is the price and lack of real traveling. You need to book your trip as a package and you are allowed only to see the places they want you to see. Still a place worth to visit because of it's uniqueness in the world.
- Arno
Japan
My parents met in Japaneese class. I exsist due that class. And a few years after I started excisting I "read" childrens' books in Japaneese - or invent the stories because I can't read Japaneese. I lived the culture because of my mom and dad. I ate the food, learned to use chopsticks like before learning to read (still can't believe I have friends who can't use them) And ever since I wanted to go. And then my parents and brother went when I was living in Africa. And mom and dad went again... (at least I got a big stuffed pirate seal - Sirotan) So I am here, still dreaming. We planed on going with Arno this summer but instead we pushed that for later times (richer times). But I mean, who wouldn't want to see the country of toilet restaurants, weird pipe hotels, Hello Kitties and all the other things ever imagined..? Also hiking the Fuji mountain interests me! The Japaneese friends I've had are the kindest and always have the sweetest laugh, so yeah, I wouldn't mind having more Japaneese friends. And collecting more stuffed seals. And of course seeing all the miracles, cities, cherry flovers, colors, buildings, nature on the rural areas, the culture up close... and did I mention the food. OH SUSHI! No more explanations needed. Sushi. We love sushi.
- Linnea
Cuba
I think Cuba is one of the most interesting countries to visit at the moment. Especially before the world around it changes the country too much. It's been very isolated from western influences and has kept its originality well even when the countries around it have changed. This might change quickly since the newborn relations with the US attract a lot of Americans to visit Cuba. So the time to go is NOW!
I've seen a lot of pictures and watched some clips about the country and it looks absolutely gorgeous. Some people I've met traveling have told me that Cuba is their all time favorite place in the world due to it's authenticity, beauty and amazingly hospitable people. The place is also not (yet) ruined with mass tourism like a lot of countries are. Isn't that exactly what you want from your travels? At least I do. There is so much beauty to discover there like the capital Havana with all its colorful buildings and old cars, the untouched nature with all its sandy beaches, green hills and rainforests. I guess there is also a lot that is undiscovered and that's the main reason to go there. Discover it before somebody else does!
- Arno
Chile
One word: Lamas. Another one: Mountains. Yep. Always wanted to go to South America. Chile calls my name because of the nature and its' beauty - and the Easter Islands. Would probably go snowboarding! What attracts me is also that Chile is yet so unpopular among tourists. Not yet a major attraction and overly crowded! Have to also mention the colors and the people who really seem super special. Totaly different than anywhere else. Also, backbagging around South America would not be only a beach-this-drinks-that kind of a holiday people tend to take too ofter (no offences) due places like Chile. I looooove trecking and hiking. And snowboarding. And exploring in new places. And spending time in surrounding where I can't find Finnish karaoke bars and swearing scandinavian tourists next door (again, no offence, everyone does those turist trips sometimes - me included).
- Linnea
New Zeland
I've always wanted to go to New Zealand (and so has Linnea!), and I'm a bit bummed I didn't have the time to go when I visited Australia a few years ago. NZ is a country you really want to visit with time so there was no point just rushing through it. I've met sooo many people that have been there and never heard a bad word about it, so a definite place to go! Most even say that they preferred it over Australia so it just gets me even more excited about it. There are many sports I'd like to do there like bungee jumping, canyon swings and of course skiing. Hopefully in the future when we have the time (and money) we could do a long combined trip to Australia and New Zealand!
- Arno
Australia
Arno is a lucky guy to have been there. Australia was on my list when I was about to return from Africa. But then America happened. And when I came back I met that dude who couldn't stop talking about Australia and showing me cute pictures of cute wallabes and stuff. So yeah.. I have to get there. Long time dream of surfing, exploring the nature (Urulu, beaches, forests), culuture, eating food, seeing the special animals and so on... I also find the people very nice, have met many Australian people and they are so sweet, and they have even sweeter accent. And the way of life interests me. We have planed it so far that we might some day want to move there. At least to do the "working holiday" together. Which would probably be a bad thing. Because I would never come back to this dark and cold place (love you Finland) since I would be able to skateboard everywhere.
- Linnea
Iran
Many might find Iran a bit special on our list but it surely is a place of intrest! I guess not the top destination for many but that's one of the things that makes it even more interesting. Iran has been a very closed country for a long time but at least as a EU citizen nowadays you can go without a visa for two weeks so it's relatively easy to go.
I once read this nice traveling book, the Black Tourist by Dom Joly (recommend it!) in which the guy traveled to not so popular regions eg. North Korea, Iran and others. I guess this book got me even more excited about going there, he said it's amazing over there with incredibly nice and hospitable people, maybe not the first impression you would get. Anyhow most of our expectations are based on prejudice given to us by politics. Also another great reason to travel there and break these prejudices. Iran is interesting with its own Persian culture that differs from the Arabic one and it's beautiful landscape. You would think there is nothing else but desert (there is still a lot) but I've seen some amazing pictures from the green fertile mountain regions in the Northern parts of the country. So a definite top 10 place to visit!
- Arno
Papua New Guinea
My favorite book Jungle Child by Sabine Kuegler (s-u-p-e-r good book, read it!!) tells a story of a tribe that lives in the jungle in Papua New Guinea. That book kind of explains all the nature, culture and reasons why I wanna go. Of course I happen to know that PNG is also one of the most dangerous countries in the world. Yet I am so interested in the cultures and how such social classes have formed and why things there are like they are. I have to also underline my love towards photography and writing, investing things and talk about a country not yet so popular among travellers. Also I am a sucker for jungles. My soul just rests, that's where the nature is so much bigger than any human.
- Linnea
Marocco
Morocco is one of the countries we definitely want to visit. And I would guess in the next few years we probably might go (at least want to!). It's not too far from Finland and a relatively cheap destination so a must visit. I've met a lot of travelers that have visited Morocco and all of them fell in love with the place, many of them claiming it as their favorite destination in Europe (technically it's not Europe but you know what I mean). Apparently it's nicer when you stay out of the touristy cities eg. Casablanca, Marrakech and head out to the smaller cities on the coast and inlands. Of course it's everybodys decision where to head but I prefer the less touristy regions, you usually get cheaper prices and more hospitable people. I especially want to see the beautiful infrastructure, old cities that blend in the desert and it's mountainous regions inlands. The food and handcraft culture is apparently amazing, I've sometimes cooked some Moroccan food dishes and the flavors are just incredible.
- Arno
Tanzania So if you somehow managed to jump over the fact that I love nature and tracking and hiking and mountains etc. here we go all over the fact again: I have grown up with multiple cultures surrounding me all the time. I am a Africa(n) girl, I count myself as one. I've grown up having two African siblings and this major society that takes care of 400 orphans. So I have grown up in different continent and surroundings than my two "siblings" but I have eaten sadza (corn "porridge"), played with toys made out of cans Oili and Seppo brought from Zimbabwe, I have been in meetings, met people and grown up being all Africa this and Africa that. And when I finally got there after the colera had gone down, I felt like home. I felt I found a missing piece of myself. And that's why I came back. And stayed. And came back again. I have friends, I love the food, I eat with hands without a problem, I do morning walks with lions and ride elephants. That's me feeling whole, that's the little part of Africa that came in when I was lifted over the fence to eat pancakes (read the story here). And that part never left me. Just grew bigger. And came more hungry - not towards pancakes but travelling. And I want to see more Africa than just Zimbabwe. I want to go further. I want to hike Kilimanjaro, always have. Oili and Seppo have done it and we were talking about doing it with Oili when I lived in Zim but then the time just ran out (it's a 5 day hike). But I will do it some time. And I will explore further than just Zimbabwe. I will go to Tanzania (for longer than my stop-overs).
- Linnea
Where to next?
Linnea: And finally. The million dollar question we've been holding for way too long.
So me, Arno, mom, dad and my brother Luukas started to talk about Christmas plans early this year but that never helps, we always just rush into decisions anyway - that's who we are. We started to go over the options we had and to think destinations. We had plans and ideas and stuff. And some minor details like "will I get off from school", "on which day will dad be able to leave work" and "is Arno gonna be in the army for 6 months or a whole year". And we definitely did not have the answer when my mom called me up one night on August at 10 pm when we had just gotten back from a nice dinner with Arno.
Mom basically goes like "Hi! How's it going? Do you guys wanna go to Indonesia for Christmas?". I asked Arno if we were still having Indonesia as our first choice as we had talked for a long time. He nodded. So I told her that we were still wishing to go there. And my mom goes: "Good, we are booking tickets now. Get me yours and Arno's passport info".
Arno: So yeah we are going to Indonesia! Linnea and her family (mom, dad, brother) are flying on a separate flight than I am. We fly out on the same day though I just arrive a few hours later. I fly separately because I use my dads tickets he gets through his job (I get to fly a bit cheaper). Our first stop is going to be Jakarta, none of us have ever been there before so a new destination for all of us. Excited! I can't wait to finally hop on that plane and head out of Finland for a while. It's been a rough 6 months for both of us with my military service, Linneas several new jobs and us moving in together, so we can both use a well deserved break.
We're gonna spend four nights in Jakarta first before heading off to Bali. I don't really know what to expect from Jakarta since I've never been there, never heard anyone go there and never read travel stories about it. Sometimes it's better this way to just go out and explore without knowing too much ahead, ask the locals and find out the places by your own. One thing I know is that we are going to spend Christmas there! I have no idea what we are going to do for Christmas Eve, I guess nobody knows either but in a few weeks we will find out! I love Asian cities because of all the hustle and bustle going on, the cities never sleep. Also street food is the best (and cheap), I could eat at almost every stand because of the amazing smell and looks of the food.
Linnea: Then we will arrive to Bali. There we will spend a night in Denpasar (the place every tourist goes) and after that we have booked villas around the island. One close to the beach and one in Ubud - the monkey forest! And we will meet Arno's dad and Arno's dad's friend - who borrows his house to us now that he's in Asia! We will go around temples, jungles, swim, surf, relax, explore, eat well, celebrate New Years and so on.. And that's not it even. We will be visiting some other islands than just Bali! Cannot wait!
We will keep you posted for sure!
Hugs:
Linnea & Arno
PS. LOOK AT THIS CUTE WALLABEE ARNO TOOK A PICTURE OF IN AUSTRALIA! LOOK AT HIM! HE IS THE REASON I WANT TO GO TO AUSTRALIA!!
Arno:
Me and my dad we kinda have a special relationship. First of all we
share a different language than me and my mother (Finnish), we speak
Flemish to eachother, in case you didn't know it's Belgiums official
language, very similar to Dutch. Also at the moment we are living in
different countries, he lives in Belgium and I live here in Finland.
It has not always been like that, it's changed a lot during these
years, we've lived together in Finland and Belgium and also
separately multiple times. He used to live in Finland until last year
March when he got a great job in Belgium. I guess many people would
find it weird or very distant but for me it's kinda normal, it's been
like that for all my life. You could say we kinda have a "global"
relationship. Living in different countries doesn't mean being
distant from eachother, we still keep closely in touch. We exchange
texts and call at least on a weekly base. He tends to come to Finland
almost once a month to visit me and all his friends (he still has a
lot of friends here). Also I try visit a few times a year when I have
time, which is rather cool because I get to travel! We've also
traveled a lot together especially in the past when I was younger all
around the world. Together we've been around Europe, the US multiple
times and to Hong Kong and Thailand. I've really enjoyed traveling
with him and it has taught me a lot. One of the things I'm grateful
for that he has shown me the world, traveling and different cultures
that really broaden your views.
Apparently
we also look a lot like eachother which is kinda funny. People always
go like "I guess you guys are father and son?". I don't
mind at all if I still look as good as him when I'm 50! We also share
the same intrests, we talk a LOT about aviation stuff, both's
favorite subject! He knows a lot since he works in the branch and I
like to listen and learn new stuff. I'm also keen on hearing because
I want to become a pilot so it's kinda useful information on the side
aswell! I
have a loot of good memories with him one of the best probably
driving down the California 1 from San Francisco to Los Angeles with
a Camaro in the summer of '11. We had fun driving with just the two
of us in the Californian sun with the roof down and views to kill
for. Another fun memory was doing the Open water diving course in
Thailand. We had a blast doing the course, fooling around and diving
together in the crystal clear waters of the Gulf of Thailand.
Linnea:
I'm the firstborn in my family. And my dad is a dad who carried me in
his backpack all my childhood. I was travelling all around Europe
since few months old and never stopped. There's never been a year I
haven't traveled abroad and that's thanks to my parents who have and
still do push me out there every possibility they get. My dad has
played a big role on that, being the one who has backpacked through
the history of Europe and always tells stories of sleeping on train
stations and getting robbed in Czechoslovakia. He and my mom have
taken me all around the world. And when I grew up he was the one to
drive me to school every morning when I attended a high school for
performing arts in the city. We had our favorite radio show we
listened to every morning and if we happened to go our own ways, the
other one had to sum up the program to the other. Later on he was
also the one to teach me to drive. My
dad also happens to be the king of bad jokes. He comes up with them
randomly in the middle of a serious conversation and usually is the
only one laughing - everyone else enjoys the amount of fun he is
having. And in the end everyone giggles to my dad's giggling. But we
have fun with him due the dry humor. My
dad is the dad who made me think I can do or be anything I want.
Before bedtime my mom usually was the one to pick up a story book
where my dad came up with stories about me and my little brother.
Those where our favorites and we always asked for them! We were the
heroes - saving cruise ships, schools, Santa Clauses and shopping
malls. We had special missions and solved problems, always getting
prices we currently wished for - like stuffed animals, Legos, race
cars and action mans. Maybe those stories are also the inspiration to
my own writing. But my dad sure did give me other inspiration at
least. He was the first one to place a camera to my hand. I remember
being very young and telling him I don't like photography, such a
waste! And yet I have to admit that after I finally picked it up, I
fell in love. Daddy instincts I suppose. So, happy father's day to all!
It's 6 am. I wake up to birds singing outside. The first rays of the rising sun are peaking over the roofs into my room. I breath in the fresh air coming from the street. My room is warm even though I left my window open for the night. I sit up and let my hair down from a messy bun. I pull my jogging clothes on, take my shoes and tiptoe through the dark apartment to the door. Slowly I open it, sneak out and try to close it without waking up my parents. I pull my shoes on in the hallway, tie my hair on a ponytail and walk through the lobby to a street that takes me to the city. I greed the smiling receptionist and start running. I come from this little alley to a bigger one. During the nights it's filled with little lights, people, balloon sellers and street food stands. But during the early morning it's a little more quiet. The smell of the fried frog legs and fresh pad thai dances in the warm breeze. With only 27°c it feels nice compared to the 35°c that gets us sweating during the days. Almost too easy and nice jogging under the palm trees lining by the big road where tuk tuks and scooters drive past. I run over an intersection and through gates.
All the sudden I am standing on a peaceful temple area with soil under my sneakers, golden roofs bathing in the sunlight, praying monks wearing orange gowns praying and all the beautiful colors circling me. I inhale and enjoy the silence. Then I run out to this alley so tiny and hidden I barely make it running. The roofs come down low and walls close to me. These are houses of the people. A few local shop here and there. I need to turn sideways to pass any obstacles on my way. A few local kids peek out of their windows and wave. I wave back. A street cat steals a fish from a trash bin and sprints past me. I try to remember little details and how many turns I have done - that's what I do when I go jogging to a strange city knowing I need to make my way back. I come across an old lady walking a giant pig on the middle of the little city alleys without any leash. I stop because there is no room to run past. The lady smiles at me and signs with her hand that I can walk past. So I slowly sidle past the big's butt, thank the lady and keep running. I come back to the sunny streets that take me to a bridge over a running river. After the bridge I turn left and start running by the streaming water. I come to a people's market. Fresh fruits, coconuts, fish, meat and handmade baskets. I slow down, trying sidestep to not hit the stalls or early shoppers. People smile at me. Someone wishes good morning. I wish her back. I keep running until getting thirsty under the slowly waking morning sun and remember that I had forgotten my bottle at our apartment. I try to make my way back but start feeling weak. So I stop at this guys little restaurant and ask how much is the water. He tells me it's 10 baht. I try to look through all my pockets and little hides but I can't find more than 1 bath so I tell him I take nothing then. But he offers me a glass. I drink it down, thank him, tell him I appreciate it and offer him my baht. He shakes his head and tells me I can keep it. Such a random act of kindness.
We haven't spent Christmases in Finland ever since we moved to the city from the country side. We've been on Caribbean cruises, Miami, Orlando and last year in Asia. The Winters here in the Northern Europe are so dark, black and rainy and since we don't have a big house with a Christmas tree and fireplace anymore, it wouldn't feel like Christmas sitting in my parents condo with rain splashing our window through the grey city...
The tickets to Thailand were had bought earlier that year, for just me and my mom and dad since my brother had moved to England. I had asked for time off from work for the three weeks, packed my suitcase and ready to jump in the plane the 23rd of December - so done with Finland and my life. I was in a bad place, neededto run away So the 22nd my mom comes to pick my suitcase for early check-in around 9 pm in the evening - so that we can go straight from work to the airport since the flight is at 4 pm. She tells me she feels some pain in her throat, like she is becoming sick. The next morning I wake up at 4.45 am to go to work and my mom sends me a message that her throat will be operated in the morning. That they are not sure can she fly, but she will keep me updated. So I collect my carry-on and carry everything to work. My and my boss keep thumbs up and around the time I was supposed to start getting to the bus, mom sends me a message that she is not sure what we should do but we can all meet up at the airport to talk about our options. So I jump into a bus and drive to the airport. We go through the security and to the lounge (why not to eat the free food since we have the tickets, even if we wouldn't fly). So I pour myself a glass of champagne and get a chocolate mouse. We start going through the options. There are risks in flying after such a surgery, if something happens during the 11 hour flight in a moving airplane where the pressure changes all the time, and we need to make an emergency landing in Irak, Afganistan or somewhere around Asia. And the fact that insurance wouldn't cover it since we knew about the risk and still took it (and emergency landing a plane full of people isn't too cheap).. Not even as my uncle was the pilot.. But non of us wanted to change the plan now and stay in the cold grey with no decorations, food or plans for the three weeks. So we made a few calls to talk to doctors, we decided to go, I poured the champagne to my throat and we made it to the flight.
So the flight went great. To Bangkok we arrived early in the Christmas morning - at 7 am local time. And from the airport we took a taxi to our hotel. It was hot and I was reading my book in the taxi with no ac for an hour or so.. And I was just so happy to get out of the car that it didn't even bother me that our apartment wasn't ready. So we pulled some lighter clothes out of our suitcases, changes in the bathrooms, hanged cameras around our necks and just headed to explore (and eat breakfast) to the city. We got a tuk tuk which local driver found us a really tiny and authentic restaurant by a river, no tourists, just a few locals. It was still early and we decided to have breakfast. I ordered sticky rice with mango. Not quite like Christmas rise porridge, but I loved it! We chatted with locals and one fruit vendor had a laugh when we switched places and I tried to sell mangos and papayas with his hat in my head. Afterwards we jumped into a tuk tuk that took us to a temple area where we wandered around. We met a local guy who recommended us this tailor since we wanted to customize some clothes. Me and my mom ended up ordering winter jackets and dad wanted a suite. Then we went for lunch and finally got back to the hotel to change. So we headed out for a Christmas dinner with the pilot uncle of mine who was in the same plane with us. He knew this nice restaurant where we ordered 10 course dinner.. Such a feast, the food was heavenly..
The next morning we drove out of the city to the rural areas. After an hour and a half in the morning traffic we got to this floating market where people sell food, clothes, art and basically anything from little boats. It was such an awesome afternoon. I ate an illegal amount of pad thai, mangos, coconut ice cream and pineapple. In the evening we walked all the noodles off in the city and I thought my parents the art off dim sums! Yummy! I used to eat them in USA.
I tend to eat a lot of weird stuff while travelling. I've eaten duck tongues, antelope, wild boar, crocodile, alligator, swordfish, grasshoppers... can't even remember all of them.. And the next morning I ate a scorpion on a stick and my dad really thought I would die.. But I wasn't too shaken by it. For lunch I got a worm omelet. If you ever get a chance to eat worms, try! Just like minced meat!
We spent our days in Thailand pretty much by wandering around the city, visiting temples, riding boats instead of taxis and eating well! I ran a lot. I love running! Especially when I get to do it somewhere else than in the same neighborhoods where I always do. It's a way for me to learn my way around and see the little alleys, early mornings, sunrises and places I would otherwise never probably find.
But then it was time for us to take off to the Kingdom of Cambodia. Flying over the green jungles was b e a u t i f u l . You can't really even explain it.. Landing to a tiny airport and walking of the small plane. Hearing the birds sing and bugs buzz. The air was fresh (and hot and humid) and I was loving it! It felt like a perfect getaway! We walked through the visa line (witch was an hour walk since the visa process isn't too fast) and got out to explore. The exploring was pretty much walking to the little town of Siem Reap, having dinner and wandering around the marketplace. And through the pool to bed since the next morning was going to be early.
So yes, we woke up early. Had breakfast at our beautiful hotel and took bikes out. We didn't feel like exploring the temples in the jungle with a driver, taxi or tuk tuk. So the bikes were a good idea. We jumped on and started driving through the busy roads of the town. The traffic in Asia can be a little hectic compared to ours in Europe but once we got off to the side roads and the little sand roads it was way more fun. As we crossed old stone bridges, got further away from the town and into the jungle, it got interesting. We came across elephants and ate mango on the side of the road. The sun was blocked by the big trees rising so high above us and even if it was humid, the breeze on my cheeks as we cycled made it bearable. And the huge sunhat I had bought from Bangkok.
We arrived to Angkor Wat after several kilometers, left the bikes by a river and went to enjoy the hot air and all the tourists around.. I was pretty done with so many people pretty fast so I enjoyed the company of the local horses, monkeys and ate tiny bananas. And was so happy to get out of the sun and back to the shade of the trees with the bike. We took little roads and stopped in some random places. I met this local artist who I talked with for a long time. I loved his art and bought two big pieces as he asked almost nothing from them and I loooove collecting international art from unknown street artist. The most authentic stuff. He even rolled the paintings into a little holder handmade out of banana leaves!
We had delicious lunch. Afterwards mom was happy to get to see the temple with the tree growing from it. The one where Angelina Jolie and company filmed that one action film. And I gotta say the three was beautiful. As all the rock art. And statues. And temples. And bumpy roads. And wilderness. But so the day passed us and we got really worn out by the sun and cycling so we started making our way back. My feet were heavy and I felt the sunburn on my arms. Mom's rubber broke so she came slower. But we ended up making it, after 25 kilometers of biking! And it felt like a victory to dive into the cold water and have a glass of water back in the hotel. But not so nice we wouldn't have made it to the town where we had delicious dinner. For my worst hunger a local non-English speaking old lady sitting next to me with her huge basket of fried bugs and a big smile offered me a handful. Yummy crunchy grasshoppers and worms.
On New Year's eve we took an early bus to the capital of Cambodia, Phnom Penh. There we checked in to our hotel. We had two separate apartments in two floors. I had a disco ball hanging on top of my big bed - it even played pop music when I turned the lights on - I want that disco ball back.. We headed straight to have some dinner and later on switched to get some drinks in a bar. Before the year switched to 2016 (5 hours before it did to all my friends back home in Finland) we got in the middle of the packed promenade. The celebration was fun; fireworks, balloons, lights and people. But when we were walking back to our hotel, my heart almost broke into pieces. There were little kids sleeping on the streets. Babies even. I felt so bad. I've seen a lot of street kids, lived in poor suburbs in Africa.. But still.. I mean, how can you celebrate the coming year if you can't even be sure you'll get through tomorrow...
The next morning was full of random action. Even tho the late night, I woke up at 7 am to go for a run - ended up being my last run on that trip. Then we went out for a nice breakfast and watched the ball drop in New York (witch is funny, since the year before I had been celebrating in a ski house in Vermont, USA, watching the ball drop with two wonderful families I miss so much). Then we wanted to head to see the castle and temples, but came across this nice Cambodian man, who told that the castle wouldn't be open yet. So he offered to take us somewhere else and mentioned some places we should visit. Never heard of any of them, but spontaneously we jumped into his rickshaw. He stopped for a lady who sold fruits and recommended us to taste some special once I've never seen before. And those were so good!
We share our bananas
After a long drive, we arrived in the middle of nothing. To a monkey temple! It was so full of monkeys and no people anywhere near! He walked us around and helped me with my hate-hate relationship to the monkeys. Don't get me wrong, I used to love them before moving to Africa and learning how tricky living with monkeys can be! But I got over it and as a forever animal lover wasn't gonna leave that temple at all!
When we finally left my new furry friends, the guy (really sad I can't remember his name anymore, I always want to call people I get to know with names) drove us to a boat that took us over the river. To the rural areas. We saw some authentic Cambodia. People on the rice fields, little children who came to hang out with us. We were shown this place where they make silk, and how it's done. On the way back my new Cambodian buddy told me to try frog and this random bird from a man who grilled them outside. My dad again thought I would die! But me and mom really liked the mystery bird and the stuffed frogs so much that when we got back to the area we were staying, we ordered more frog legs. And the next day things turned pretty ugly. Not because of the frogs and birds tho..
Grumpy grampa monkey
I travel so much around the world and am not scared to eat bugs, exotic animals, street food or drink straight from waterfalls and wells in Africa. I am used to eating with hands and walking barefoot. I'm fine with little bacteria (ofc I wash hands and keep a certain level of hygiene) and that's probably why I tend to stay healthy. When all my family members were puking in Nepal and having stomach ache after returning from India, I was happy to finish everyone's meals, really had nothing! (China was another thing, but lets not get into that..) But yeah, I don't know how many times I've been asked if I ever get sick really bad or if I am scared of that. So yeah! I do get sick sometimes. My dad used to work in an insurance company and as we tend to always have something happen to us, he always thanked the insurance. We have probably gotten more medical care abroad than back home - appendix have been removed in Germany, mom sprained her ankle in China, we've been in a car accident in Canada, I split my knee open running in a forest in Africa, split my toe umping off a cliff in Hawaii... The list goes on.. Never have I been scared of it though, even when I am sick, I just trust that it will pass, nothing serious! But this time I took being sick on a trip to a whole new level...
The next morning I woke up feeling nauseous. I told my parents and they said we'll keep following. So down we went for breakfast. In the restaurant I couldn't eat anything solid. Ordered a tea and tried to spoon in some sugar to get my blood sugar up if that would help. I also drank half of my mom's lemon smoothie. But walking back the 150 meters to our hotel I started feeling very bad. And walking pasta a restaurant terrace I just couldn't keep it in anymore. Tried not to do it in front of all the people enjoying their breakfast and threw mine up on the other side of the sidewalk. Oh my tummy.. I wanted to make it to the hotel but all the sudden I started feeling dizzy. And 10 meters before the front door I almost lost my consciousness and fell. Luckily my dad and the hotel owner were there to catch me. Also the guy who drove us the day before saw what happened and ran to help me sit down. A restaurant owner ran to get me a bottle of water. Cambodians are so nice, can't get over it. My dad told the guy that we would not go with him to the killing fields as we had planed when we had said goodbyes after the awesome day we had. He understood and told me to rest, eat and get better. So up to my hotel room we went.
I rested for some time watching Gossip Girl but wanted to get back into action so in the afternoon we went to see the palace. But after walking for sometime, I started feeling worse again. I had to sit down in the shadow. Couldn't even walk the kilometer back to the hotel so we got a ride. I have three pictures from that day and everyone who knows me, realizes that is not normal, I must have been very sick. Me myself was in a haze trough the rest of the day. Had a lot of fever and a bad headache so I slept a lot. My parents came to check on me once in a while bringing me snacks, gum and soda. But I just kept sleeping in a dark room for the rest of the evening. I remember waking up to something painful in the middle of the night and calling to my mom to come down. Can't remember anything clearly but her telling me that I had a lot of fever...
There were bracelets everywhere to honor the victims..
The next day I rose from the bottom of my bed like nothing ever happened. So we just decided that it was food poisoning and went to see the killing fields where people were massacred. Learned so much new things that always make my see so much wider and think deeper but on some level wish I didn't know. You can't unsee something like that again.. Just horrible and heartbreaking. But I definitely think it's so worth a visit. Those stories need to be told and learned from.
And the next morning we left to Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. I have to say the time there kind of mostly flew by. The first night was quite dramatic... We came to our super nice apartment and wanted to rest after a long bus night. So we just took the easy way out and went to the shopping mall on the other side of the road for sushi. After our dinner we started walking back. When we got to the main entrance I told my parents that my tummy hurts. We got up to the bridge I had hard time walking straight, it really hurt. And on the other side of the highway I had to kneel down. In the elevator I sat on the floor and finally back in our condo I just fell on the bed.
Never have I ever felt pain like that. From just stomach ache it went into cramping. Cramping so bad that I couldn't move. I was laying on my bed, just holding my tummy and screaming from pain. Then it eased off and I made it to the living room couch. Mom and dad had no idea of what it was. And they didn't have time to think before the pain came back. I had hard time talking. My eyes went blurry and I couldn't see anything. Just felt the enormous pain. In my whole body. And after about 4 minutes I felt the pain ease off again. And another 5 minutes passed before it came back. Then I remember either of them saying that if one more pain wave comes we have to go to the hospital. And of course one came again. Mom grabbed all the stuff we could need, not knowing how long it would take (wallets, insurance cards, passports and phones). We rushed down and ordered a taxi from the reception - dad was not going to wait for an ambulance. I was just trying to breathe and hoped the wave wouldn't come in a taxi. But of course it came. And even tho we had told the driver to go fast fast fast I guess that was the point where he really realized I was in pain, not just pale and sick looking. And he hit the gas when I started screaming through the pain. Then I couldn't catch my breath. So much fun.. I was counting seconds in my head. Wishing we would be in the hospital already. Counting minutes heavy pain, minutes with bearable pain. Trying to push it away, hold it back. But the funny thing with pain is that you can not just stop feeling it if it rushes over you.
We arrived into the emergency room. I was enjoying the few minutes during which I could walk and sat down on a bench. I wasn't the only one there. Dad signed me in and mom gave me a plastic cup of water. I sat there for a few minutes, everyone staring at the palest white girl they have probably ever seen. Everyone looking at me a little weird. But then I felt the pain coming back again. The cup fell from my hand and I started crying in pain. An older couple next to us starred at me and told my mom "okay now we see she is really sick, she can go before us". Mom didn't answer, just tried to calm me down.
It took a whole lot time waiting in the ER. I got a few shocks but then they started coming milder and milder and after an hour or so stopped completely. And I was so worn out I just told my parents I don't care what's wrong, I just wanna go back to the apartment. Dad said to the doctors that if we won't get a check up right now, we will leave. And all the sudden there was a doctor for me. He pushed my belly and asked questions. And the only answer was that they don't really know but it's not a appendix.
The next morning I was up again. Going for a morning swim in the swimming pool with my parents. Felt like nothing could stop me. And nothing did. For two days. We circled around the city, went to a market, ordered custom made silk dresses for me and my mom. Visited the Vietnam War museum. Had drinks in a high high tower and enjoyed the view. The next day we took a trip to the woods. There was this jungle where the wars were fought. We got to go crawl in so tiny tunnels that in the end I was the only one who made it through and even I had hard time with that. Happy I am not claustrophobic since it was dark, no air conditioner, underground and just endless tunnels where I had to crawl holding my head down on my belly.
Vietnam was so much fun. Not that I got to enjoy it that much. Since the night we came back from the tunnels I was feeling a little feverish. Took painkillers and went to bed. But in the middle of the night I got so hot I couldn't sleep. My head felt like burning. And as a person who has had the pleasure the enjoy weekly migraine since turning 8, I can tell I am used to head ache. But not one like that. I couldn't sleep. My eyes hurt so much I felt like digging them out of my head and throwing down form the window of our skyscraper apartment. Mom woke up and brought me water, painkillers, cold towels and soda. I didn't sleep a lot that night with almost 40 degrees of fever. And the next morning I was not up for a morning swim as I had planned..
So we were about to fly back to Bangkok that afternoon. My mom loaded me with painkillers, dad packed my stuff and at the airport I was sat down on the background with sunglasses on my head and water bottle on my hand as they went to check in the luggage. I tried to look healthy enough to fly. We had to get back to Finland for a doctor, not be banned from a flight because of my fever.
I can't really remember anything more than laying on a hospital bed in Bangkok for a long time. Alone, because my parents were not allowed to be in the emergency room. Doctors buzzing around me. No one really spoke to me. Just took blood out of my veins and put fluid in. But after some time I felt better. I really did. We got medicines and were told it probably is dengue fever but no one knows so I should go to a doctor back home. When we got back to the hotel I was so hungry I ate a whole pizza and fell asleep.
The next morning I woke up early but for the first time in forever without a head ache. The new painkillers were working or something. I felt alive once again. So we headed to the airport and took an early morning flight back to Finland. There my friend and roommate were waiting for me at the airport. They took me home and we picked up my other roommate from work. Ohh all the hugs and kisses. With the whole gang we went to an Asian restaurant to have dinner (not that I had not had enough Asian food already). We talked for hours and had fun. Then I just mentioned to my friend Pyry that I would need to get to the hospital, just for a check up. He told me he would drive.
Our hotel in Vietnam was quite nice..
It was like 8 o'clock in the evening and a snowstorm was about to start, we got going so that I could get to bed before waking up at 5 am for work again. I didn't unpack my stuff, just took a book and my phone with 30% of battery and the clothes I had on. Pyry dropped me off and I walked to the reception. Took a number and got called to the desk. I told my symptoms and where I had been travelling. That we had been in hospitals during the past couple of days, but I was feeling a lot better and just wanted to come for a check up. I really thought they would do blood tests, send me home and call me couple of days later. The nurse was just nodding and listening as I spoke and when I finished she turned around in her chair. She yelled to her co-nurses in the backroom "DO WE HAVE A ISOLATION ROOM IN THIS HOSPITAL?!". For a moment I thought she was joking. But one of the nurses on the back nodded and she said "Good, follow me". I stood up and was walked into a little room through double doors. I was sat on a bed and told to push a button if something happens. Then just left alone.
Quite..
After some time there were nurses and doctors with white costumes reminding of the once astronauts wear in space. People dressed in super protective clothes in the little room before my room. There was no windows to outside so the only one that kept me in contact with the world was the one on the door that connected the hygienic scrub in room and my room. No one was allowed to come to my room without protection. And I wasn't allowed to go out. So confusing. And finally at 10 pm a doctor came in. He was very kind, told me what happens and that there will be many more tests to be taken. I sat on my bed, swinging my big Uggs in my feet and asked if I could go to work in the morning. But he said he would write me some sick free. For a week at least.. And then he left. I sat there. Texted my roommates what happened. Verkku really thought I had ebola. And that now she had it too! They were both freaking out. And I was sitting in the isolated hospital room. Alone. With a boring book and battery running low.
After tens of test and 4 long hours a night nurse came into my room telling that it seems I am not deadly poisoning to anyone. That I could go home if I want to not stay, but I have to be back at 8 am for more test. And I wanted to go home even tho it was past 2 in the middle of the night. And when I was out of the doors it was snowing so hard that I haven't seen such a snow storm for ages. I made it to the bus stop just to realize there was no buses and I was about to freeze and there was no way walking since the heavy snow on the ground. So I ran back in and asked the super kind night nurse if I could stay and if she could get me a charger. She laughed and said she would. So I fell to a hospital bed dead tired.
Thailand
The next morning I wake up at 7 am to a woman standing by my bed trying to find my vain and poking me with a long needle. Not really sure how I felt about that. I got some breakfast that I didn't eat and just rolled around not being able to sleep since there was someone all the time taking blood out of me. I literally had over 70 holes in me. In the end when they took the 3rd HIV test the nurse couldn't find a place in my armpits or fingers that had not been pocked and bruised already. I was taken some test where two nurses held me back and one put a long tops stick in my nose. (Don't get me wrong, they were really just doing their job, not trying to hurt me, but I wasn't enjoying it one bit.) And around 12 I got home when no one could find anything but symptoms of dengue fever - witch I was diagnosed after a couple of days and more tests.
Finland
Dengue fever is a sickness that comes from mosquitos. It can include bleeding and much much pain. I had nice symptoms where my hands got swollen, red and hurt so much I couldn't open a bottle. I was sleepy, had headache and my nose was bleeding all the time. Some days I felt sick, some I was normal again. And then after few weeks I was diagnosed being fine. But I am not allowed to get it again. You get more sick on the second time and have a greater possibility to die (I guess for inner bleeding or so). But that has not stopped me from travelling. After 1 and half months we went to Africa with Arno. I am not scared. Maybe little more careful but would never stop travelling because fearing mosquitos!
