Pit stop in St. Petersburg

Here is the St. Petersburg video!

Before Arno headed to serve in the military we celebrated our (his) last weekend of freedom. And how do we celebrate? By sitting home spooning and watching TV? Sometimes.. But usually by travelling of course. Tho we had no idea where we'd go. And also quite late with all the planing. I mean Arno had just gotten back from Dubai and Belgium a few days ago and I was working full time, so no flight booking time what-so-ever. We had a weekend (two and half days) to spare and not too much money. Arno suggested Lithuania and Latvia but by that time all the people with their summer vacation plans had ran us over in the battle for cheap and straight flights. So no. And we had just been in Estonia a few weeks back on a payed day trip (thank you Arno's friends!) so that wasn't really an option either.

Earlier that year I had been asking my parents and grandma to come with me to St. Petersburg once again like we did during my first year in high school (*feeling old*) but we hadn't found the time. So I came up with the idea again. Arno wasn't super excited of a cruise. I on the other hand have been almost born on board since my mom used to work for Silja Line, we have been on Caribbean cruises and our cousins live across the ocean in Germany. Luckily I got him to swallow my idea by Wednesday and he called us a cabin. So on Friday we picked our bags and headed to the harbor. It sounds easy but actually I was moving with the power of tea, throat drops and cookies since I had woke up feeling a little sick. But it is amazing what sea breeze can do to you (other than mess up your hair). 

The ship wasn't super populated at all but it took forever to get in. The funny thing is that the St. Petersline ship was full of foreigners around their 40s and 50s - Germans, Asians, Russians... - when the ships sailing in between Helsinki-Stockholm and Helsinki-Tallinn are full of drunken Finns and families with little kids. It was quite a pleasant surprise actually. We didn't hear any Finnish and it felt like being abroad already.

We headed on deck to see the departure. It was beautiful. And I was wearing a short-ish dress. And it was windy as always on ships (I sure should've remembered after working on one for half a year).. What a combo.. We ended up tying the hem in between my legs and me looking super weirdo.. And got cold and hungry pretty fast too.. Luckily the restaurants were much cheaper than we expected. Actually much cheaper than back in Helsinki. So we were happy to not have eaten a subway or so before departing and sat ourselves in this Japanese-Italian restaurant. I dared Arno to try sushi - he had never had anything but some buffet crap and me myself love love loooove sushi! So we ordered a plate for two. And Arno liked it! A lot! So we got through it pretty fast. And for a main course got some pasta and risotto from the Italian menu, yummy! And then we were so happily stuffed that we decided to leave the restaurant before exploding. We found a machine where you can try to grab a stuffed Minion, put in like 5 euros and did not get that damn thing! So we went to try on some expensive sunglasses and perfumes and bought some treats. Then we just hang out in the cabin before hitting the hay.

We had this glorious plan about waking up early and heading to the harbor right when the ship hits it. But as all glorious plans do, this one failed as well. When we had snoozed 20 minutes longer than we were supposed we finally got up and started to hide our inner zombiness in front of the mirror. So tired, hah! But after 30 minutes of trying hard to wake up we just decided to get out of the cabin and leave the ship with my little bag, passports, phones, wallets and camera. And we were not late at all. They started taking people in the gates after some time so we would have had to wait anyways. And when we finally got in, there was a bus waiting to take us to the center city.

After 10-15 minutes drive we were let out by a church. The morning was still early and air fresh. And the weather was awesome, so sunny! I was loving it! But also hungry as we both are when we don't eat breakfast. So the first thing after all my necessary first pictures was to find a breakfast place. And we randomly bumped into a super good one. With huge windows open to the street, few tables outside and the smell of fresh bread this cute little Bonch Cafe on the corner was our place. We sat down. Arno ordered fresh squeezed orange juice (surprise), a raspberry muffin and two sandwiches. I got a caramel late, croissant and English muffins topped with salmon and egg benedicts. So good! And so cheap! 

So we headed downtown to see something. No plans made ahead, just free roaming, We got ourselves to the winter palace and from there walked to the big church with the onion towers. Behind that church was a market we walked around talking about cats with one guy running a stand. Didn't buy the weird fluffy hats we tried on. 

We walked through this park next to the church, bought some caramelized almonds and saw this hippie dude with his pug dressed in a sombrero, singing and playing ukulele. From there we headed through the little streets, parks and over bridges to where ever we felt like. Talking, zipping caramel late from a coffee car and enjoying the sun. We saw this island on the other side and decided to drop by. There were beautiful ships and little houses. Loved it. We even found ourselves a ship to have late lunch on! So nice to hide a moment from the burning sun and rest our feet. And such a beautiful restaurant. I ordered a homemade lemonade and fish. Arno got some breaded chicken thing. 

Afterwards we started slowly walking towards the place the bus would pick us up from. But got there too early so had a little dessert break in a cafeteria by a park, no one spoke English but the desserts were waaayyy too good! And just what we needed to survive back to the ship before ordering tons of sushi for ourselves! And now I am happy to say that I have a man who likes sushi! 

So that was Saint Peterburg in nutshell. Such a beautiful city, fell in love with it all over again! Don't be too judgemental, go check it out! We both were so happy with the cruise and totally gonna go again! And the post was late, yes.. I have been overly busy, but got the video done somewhere in the middle of all of this. Also happy to tell you that I will have some good news coming soon so stay tuned!

Yauzaa,

Airplanes on the night sky like shooting stars

It's Tuesday. Midnight. Dark. Cool. Finnish Autumn. I am sitting on my balcony. Wearing too big, grey sweatpants, a white Calvin Klein shirt, big scarf and a beige sweater which long strings fall to the floor. A laptop on my lap I sit on a chair, blanket wrapped around my body and feet up on the railing, covered with warm and fluffy slippers. I take a tea cup from the windowsill, zip and put it back. I lift my head up. I look at the sky. 

It's March in 2015. I'm sitting in a fancy restaurant, 37 floors up from the ground. I can see the whole city of Philadelphia from here. I can hear the American accent when he talks, but I am not listening. I can taste the oysters in my mouth. I think I should be happy now. I am on a date in an expensive restaurant with my American boyfriend and there is food for 140 dollars on the table. But I am staring past him, past the city on Philadelphia. I am staring the sky. The airplanes that fly against the colors of sunset. I want to fly away with them.

It's dark. I am laying down on grass. The strong hill under me feels stable. I listen to crackling music that comes out of my friends phone. The palm trees around us sway when the warm Hawaiian breeze flies over. I inhale deep. I see the little village under us, I hear the ocean roar on our right side. I count down days left until I see my friends in Finland again. I hold on to every second I have left before my German friend and I are gonna get separated. I try not to think. I stare at the sky. Never seen that many stars. I start counting. 

I am standing on a hill. The sun has just disappeared down behind the horizon. The electricity is gone but I can see tens of campfires been lit all around the township of Dzivarasekwa. The smoke rises up from every corner and I can smell it all the way up. A few apostles in their white gowns are pronouncing prayers all around the hill. My friends are calling me to follow them. I start walking until my leg hurts, I remember I hurt it running in the woods. Michel comes up to me and support me as I keep limping. I smile at her, she smiles back. We look to the sky. A shooting star. We make wishes.

I am standing on the balcony with my winter jacket on tight. It's dark, snowy and cold. I breath and the air gets steamy as I exhale. I hear the sirens and the noisy truck on the road. I see people turning their lights off behind their windows. My earphones playing music I am thinking about Albania. I am thinking about the airplane tickets, about the money, about that brown eyed boy I waved goodbyes three months ago, about what everyone will think when I go. I make a wish. I wish very hard. I wish I will make the right decision. I look up to the sky and I wish.

I know I have given up the complete feeling of home. I know I am restless where ever I am. I know I have multiple places now that I can call home, but I keep missing all of them when I am somewhere else. I know that sometimes the only place I can relax and feel good is in the airplane going one way or another. I keep feeling like I can not settle down entirely where I am. I keep feeling like I'm always somewhere in between wanting to go and wanting to stay. And wherever I am, I keep feeling like I am misplaced in a world that I am not a part of - at least not completely. A place and people I hold myself back from because I know I will leave in some point anyway and I don't want to miss everything I leave behind. But no matter how hard I try, I miss it. I miss it all. 

Everything is going so fast. Spinning around me. I have been extremely busy, extremely active, extremely stressed and also extremely tired. I have gotten a new job, trying to learn all the new things in short time. I am trying to adjust in the new situations and get to know the new people. I have been working the weekends and the extra time for my other two jobs, trying to balance it all, because I don't want to give up anything. Today there was a big letter falling from our mailbox reminding me that I will start studying in my new school next week. I will get to know more people, to make new contacts, to learn more about filming. Also next week we are going to get a new roommate. Arno will finish his basic training and start in his new assignment in the army and that will change some things too. And my parents are flying away to Tokyo.

I have been working overtime, 12,5 hour shifts, leaving to work at ten in the morning and returning after midnight. I have been working for 9 days straight now. The whole weekend I have spent in festivals, performing in 6 different shows. I have still work to do before my day off this Sunday. I have night shifts on the weekends when Arno is home and I have to work 10 hours on Saturday. I like it, but I am tired of always being the new girl. Getting started and trying to be my best all the time all day long. And not have anyone who can pat my hair when I fall on the bed dead tired for few hours before getting back up again. I miss my boyfriend. I miss cuddling our Hoho cat in America. I miss the feeling while flying above the Mount Everest. I miss the freedom when I dance on the streets of Harare. I miss picking up my breakfast peaches at our summerhouse in Italy few summers back. I miss waking up to the lion roaring. I miss climbing masts on the ship Gadzella in Philadelphia. I miss swinging my camera over my shoulder before cycling to the jungles of Cambodia. I miss eating breakfast on a meadow surrounded by the Alps. I miss the blue waves in Hawaii. I miss waking up to adventure everyday. I miss having a life I was excited to live.

I will start making some changes on top of the changes already happening. I will start working to have the life I want to live, not just try to survive through. And I will try my hardest to make a living by living my life like I want to.

Looking up to the sky has always been my way to feel partly home. Because no matter where I am - Asia, America, Africa, Europe.. - it's the only thing I can be sure of is the same. The moon may be upside down and the stars look brighter, but it is always the same - the same moon, the same starry sky. And always when I look up I wish someone I know somewhere is watching too. I always talk to the sky, I ask questions and make wishes. Because the sky above me stays even as the ground under my feet changes. For years the sky has been my home. And sometimes the sky is also the only hideaway when I can not feel grounded.

So here I am, sitting on the balcony which has lately become my very favorite place for hiding from the world. It's past 1 am. I should be in bed. But I am looking up to the sky. Because after all the long and rainy Fall days last week I can finally see the stars again.

(The pictures are taken by the both of us, from our day in the airshow two weeks back!)

Goodnight,

Army wife life

Car slides up a ramp - off from the highway - stops behind a sign and turns to the left. Road continues to the woods, starts winding and getting more narrow by each kilometer driven. Radio pumps some music into the little Mini Cooper and different sorts of feelings are present in that vehicle which slows its' speed for each curve. 

Passing horses, meadows and a few buildings we start getting near the military base. The woods get closer to the road and the big countryside houses disappear somewhere behind. The yellow sign that tells about the area being used for the training of the Finnish navy soldiers shows up on the left side. I squeeze Arno's hand hard. Trying to use the last minutes well. We talk. Mostly about nothing, or something that keeps the thoughts somewhere away from the fact that our time together is coming to an end. Again. I carefully lay my forehead on his solder. The green uniform smells like a warehouse to me but I don't care, I just take it all in. 

My sweetheart turns the car around the corner, slides slowly to the parking lot and stops. When the engine  is turned down we both take deep breaths before opening our doors and standing up. The  air feels fresh, the sun is going down, and the last rays warm up my right cheek. I walk around the car and watch as Arno lifts the heavy backpack on his shoulders. I bite my lip. He buckles the green bag around his chest and I make sure that the fabric isn't wrinkled and rubbing his upper body. Looking into the dark brown eyes staring back at me I pull the jacket down so that his name tag shows up. Trying to make the moment last just a little longer. But I can't stop the time. The sun is going down and clock ticking. Arno will need to start walking soon. I am not allowed to come any further. Nor am I allowed to hug him. Arno has been told that soldiers don't show feelings, soldiers don't be close, soldiers act like soldiers. But we hug. Tight. We tell each other to take care. To have a nice week. Trying to convince each other - and ourselves - that it's gonna be just a few days, it's gonna go fast. I smile wistfully. Arno slides his fingers down my arm and without anyone seeing he lifts my hand up and gives a little kiss on the back of my hand. "I love you" he says. I tell him that I love him too, that he needs to remember that. Trying to hold his fingertips just a few seconds longer as he starts slowly walking backwards I feel like letting go is so hard. And we let go. He smiles and waves to me, making a funny face. I laugh a little and wave back. He turns around and starts walking through the parking lot like the other army green men around. I open the car door and sit on the driver's seat. I sit there and watch as Arno walks through the gates and behind the corner, counting his steps as he goes. I exhale, slide my feet in, close the door, start the car and reverse. Turning from the parking lot the gates disappear from my rear mirror. I turn the radio on high and start driving home.

This has been our reality for almost two months now. This is how every Sunday night ends. Too fast, too soon. Driving away it feels like I just picked him up from the base. As I did. Usually on a Friday night around 5 pm when they are let free. That means we have a little over 50 hours time together. On a good week. Sometimes they are not let out for the weekend. Sometimes they are held until Saturday night and that gives us approx 26 hours before he needs to be returned to the base around 9 pm on a Sunday night. 

Just to sum it up the military was not really his/our choice. It was a must. As said, military (or an equivalent civil service) is a must for all the 18-25 years old Finnish boys. It's usually either half a year, 9 months or a whole year, depending on what you are signed to do. Your duty depends on your health, skills, attitude, (the position of the stars) and what the sarges and people above you think about you - you can of course make a wish. But in Arno's case he needs to get through the military service to become a pilot in Finland. It's not that you would need the skills taught in the service, but that the pilot school doesn't want drop outs and will question why you did skip it, are you not stable enough or so. Laabalaa. Anyways. Arno wanted to get through it fast, preferably in 6 months because it is not a party. Especially for a person that has dual nationality, half of his relatives and friends abroad, loves to travel (which the military doesn't allow during the service), wants to work, earn money, study or get on with his life (when you are in the army you are quite stuck and don't get paid more than ~5€/day - to cover a pack of smokes, luckily Arno doesn't smoke). And it is quite hard both physically and mentally - you are far away from your family, friends and partner. I can't say I know really how rough it is, I have never been, (tho I thought for a long time I would go) but I see how it affects on people and now I am writing from my perspective or what I have heard from Arno. He will tell you more, once he has time.

So the questions burning on everyone's lips nowadays in any family or friend get together: 

How are we doing, how does it all affect on our relationship? My answer: We are fine. We are good, very good actually. The first few days were the hardest and the first two weeks felt the longest. But Arno has taken it better than I ever thought he would and I feel positive. But still off course it does affect. You can see it in Arno's eyes when he sits on his bed on a Sunday night, staring at the uniform in his hands and shaking his head. Him telling me he doesn't want to go back, he doesn't want to be there anymore. To be yelled at or told what to do from 6 am to 10 pm. To be told that he is not allowed to speak out or say anything against. To be told not to share his feelings like that because it's not soldierly. To be forced to do things again and again even though he did them right on the first time but someone in his troop was playing fool. To not be sick all the time because of the mold in the old base buildings. To eat bad food with poor nutrition when back home he loves cooking with fresh ingredients. To not be able to have his own space while sleeping in the same room with 11 other guys snoring all night. Or his hair or beard that he has felt are a big part of his identity. To not be in control of his own life. And most of all to not be able to have any other life than the one in the base or see his loved ones. You can see it in my eyes as I try hold back tears because he is so far away when I would need him the most - and there is noting either of us could do about it. There are 50 km and a big closed gate to the military area in between us. But nothing can stop us from making our relationship work, keeping in contact and loving each other - not gates nor kilometers, that we have proved during the times we lived in different countries.

So how do we make it work? We had our ways for sure, we always did. As said living in distance is not a new thing for us. We always came up with ways. So let me share few of our secrets... In the beginning when we were still just friends and Arno had just moved to Albania, we were talking everyday and missing each others company as it felt like we shared the same lifestyle no one else really understood - feeling out of place, in a country you had just moved in. I made a dozen of "Open when..." -letters (Open when you feel like you are not good enough, Open when you feel sad, Open when it's New Years eve, Open when you miss Finnish candy, Open when you can't sleep, Open when you are sick, etc etc..) and mailed them to him for Christmas. I kept making those silly letters even after he returned and through the whole time we have been dating now. And those kind of letters I have given him to take to the base. Letters he can read in his bunk when it feels like the walls are falling in. It might feel silly to someone else but it has a different meaning for us. I know how he didn't want to join the army and as we were many times both being really down, sad and hopeless about the whole thing I made him a promise that as he needs to go I will make everyday as easy for him as I possibly could. 

Besides the letters I started creating these so called "Army-survival-packages". One for every week. They are usually little gift backs filled with different things. I buy him his favorite candies or other snacks he can have in the base, hot chocolate, energy drinks, Coca Cola and - of course - NUTELLA. I have brought him a cap that he can wear because he wants to cover his hairless head, comfortable socks he can use in his not-too-well-fitting military boots to not get bruises, a new sweatshirt to keep him warm since the Autumn is coming and good quality razor blades to keep his beard short and skin as healthy as possible when he needs to shave it everyday. I have given him a jar filled with 130 paper kisses, in each one of them is written down a reason why I love him, so there is one kiss and reason for every day he has left in the service, and a few Hershey's chocolate kisses for the really bad days. I've send him a distant hug in an envelope. Last weekend he got two tickets for an Airplane show and there we went to spend an awesome night together. It was so sweet to see him so super excited and thrilled about all the planes and pilot stuff - like a little boy on a Christmas morning. And I had a blast too, super fun and interesting. 

But yeah, I know he doesn't need things, the navy provides him all the clothing, food, shelter and stuff he is supposed to get. He has told me that I don't have to buy him anything. But I want to help, I want to make it easier for him. I try to be present in his everyday life as much in any way I can. And if buying him a little extra candy bars or a cute cap that he loves now so much brings even a little light to his day, to me it's worth every penny. And he likes the packages! And it's not just me giving him things, he keeps surprising me too. For example after a stressful day at work he picked me up, held me when I cried my eyes out feeling super emotional about everything. Then he pulled out a peanut butter jar he had bought for me (he loves Nutella, I am more of a PB kinda girl). And later on when we finally got to a restaurant, ate and were sitting down he told me he'd go order an ice cream for himself because he can not have that in the base. And he came back with ice cream, two spoons and a coffee latte for me. So cute!

Is it annoying or hard to be in a long distance relationship? Okay so everyone who has ever had a long distance relationship, has been an army wife or something, knows how it's not a walk in a park. I like to think about destiny and reason for all the things to happen - on some level - especially as we have gone through a lot. It was never clear that one day we would become a couple. And for sure it was never just about destiny. It was about hard work, patience and will. It was about us being in this together and fighting for it. Putting some extra effort. That's what it is now again. It's about not giving up because there are days that are - pardon my languages - bullshit. There has been moments - emergencies - when I have needed him more than ever before. When I have told him to call me asap because I needed him desperately and he wasn't allowed to do it until 8 hours later. There has been nights I have been feeling hopeless and sad and he isn't even allowed to write me a few words to calm me down. There has been days I have been waiting for him to come home in the morning and he wasn't allowed to even inform me that he will be let off in the evening and I have been just waiting and waiting with table reservations for a restaurant. Or days that I know include some dangerous toxic or shooting practices and I haven't heard from him for the whole day, can't reach him no matter what I try. And I become to worry so much that it just takes over my whole concentration. Days that he is feeling down and still being yelled at (about things that aren't even his fault) and it kills me to know that there is no one he can talk about it until he gets home for the weekend. I feel bad when I visit the base and see him - my sensitive, wise, talented - boyfriend been told to run around, forced to stand still with a heavy backpack or gun for hours, without moving an inch. It feels hard not to be allowed to touch him, hug him or hold his hand when we see each other on the base - just because soldiers don't do so. It makes me worried when he can't completely recover from a flew because he is not allowed to sleep enough, needs to run, march, crawl in woods or camp outside. Or have him come home with a dozen of bruises or pain in his shoulders. And what hurts me the most is that there is nothing I can do to make it stop. I can't come over and march his marches or carry his backpack. Trust me, I would if I could!

It was never our worry that we wouldn't make it. No matter how long or how hard, we knew and know we will make it through every day and come out stronger than we ever where. It is hard. Damn it is hard at times. But still there is so much to be happy about. So much that makes me smile that it makes it all worth it. And even if it's rough, most of the time - even when we can't be together - I am happy, it feels bearable. I wouldn't trade him to anyone else, he never needs to worry about that, and I make sure he knows that everyday. Because I would choose a little time with him over a lot of time with anyone else - anytime. But we need to keep remembering each other everyday. And how it's hard for the both of us. And do some extra for each other. For example I let him have his space and time even as it often means less time for us. If he has an hour or two off in the evening, we talk and he wants to end the call 20 minutes earlier to listen to music or to watch Netflix, I let him do that without making him feel bad about it. If he wants to see his friends and family during the weekends, I let him go (or drive him) without complaining that I need him to be more with me. We both love driving, but I will let him drive my mom's car always when he is home because I know how much it means to him, how much it relaxes him. I let him cook whatever he wants to or pay for the more expensive orange juice for the Saturday brunch because I know how 4 euros in my budget feels way less than in his. I try to be close to my phone as much as possible during the hours I know he can text me. I don't complain about the army talk because I know it's his life now - even if some things there are hard for me to understand. I keep asking and listening to learn more and being interested in his life there. I try to bite my tongue when I feel sad or angry about him having to suddenly rush to a camp, knowing I can't hear from him until tomorrow. As I want to just pour all my anger to someone I just try to remember that if I feel bad about something, to him it probably feels way worse. So in those situations I will tell him to take care, to have a good night in a tent and I will be right here when he comes back. 

So yeah. It's a lot of trying to be better or act wiser to make it easier for the other one - compromising. And he does the same for me. He knows how I worry about him so he doesn't want to worry me, he always texts me asap when he can, even just something short just to let me know that he is fine. He tells me good morning and good night every day. He listens to my endless talking about my new job or what I bought from the grocery even if it would take almost the whole phone call. He helps me with my problems, daily struggles like finding the right bus, gives advice with paperwork, makes breakfast when I'm late. He comes shopping with me, doesn't complain about hanging with my friends and invites me to hang out with his family and friends. Drives to my house to snuggle in with me even though it would mean for him to wake up at 6 am to return the car. He understands that it is hard for me at times too, he doesn't panic or yell at me if I get sad or mad - he listens, talks, hugs and tells me everything is going to be fine. And he still does not take me for granted. He works as hard - if not harder - for us to stay us. He is my boyfriend, my best friend, my rock, everyday.

Are there any good things in the military service? In my point of view it is not necessary to pull young men out of their lives to complete the military. Yes, for some it gives some direction or purpose in their lives, but for some it just holds them back from getting on with studies, work or living. In my mind it's not fair until all women need to do the same, until so we can not say things are equal for both genders. If it is a must, it should be a must for everyone, boy or girl. And I think no one should be told to do things against their own will. I think I am as equal as people in other countries. I don't believe in wars. And if there was a war, I would not be the one to shoot someone, to decide may someone else die for me to live. So no one should be forced to kill. I have a lot of European, American, African, Asian and Australian friends and family. I would not want to be trained for 12 months to be prepared to hurt them if told. No. You are free to disagree with me, it's my opinion.

Of course I feel safe knowing that we have an army, well trained to do also some other things than kill people in a war. They learn useful things like first aid and taking care of others and themselves and so on. I am so proud standing next to my boyfriend in a military celebration. I am happy that he can make new friends and is very liked there. He does things well and fast, gets credit about them, gets noticed and told that he is really good - and that builds his confidence. I know he will come out strong minded and we will become stronger than we ever were. We appreciate each others company more again, every minute feels so precious when we don't get to see that much. We barely fight, being together feels easier when all the unnecessary things don't get to annoy. I get time alone or with friends during the weeks. And the feeling on a Friday night when I see my sweetheart walking out the gates.. 

And for anyone who is wondering: We just heard last week that Arno's service will last 6 months. So he will be home for Christmas! Best Christmas present ever! And what's planed for Christmas? I will tell you soon enough! But now, we are taking it day buy day, living from one weekend to the next. 46 days down, 119 still to go.

This post wasn't easy to write. It took me a lot of thinking, three nights of writing, five coups of tea and so many tears. So here I am sitting on my bed with my stuffed elephant Arno bought me from South Africa and wishing it would be Friday night already...

Thanks to all the people who have helped me carry my heavy heart. Thanks to my friends who are or have been in the same situation, know what I am going through and listen to me always. Thanks to my parents for always loaning me the car when I need it and not complaining if I forgot to tank on the way back from the base. Thanks to Arno's parents, friends, relatives and grandma for supporting him and caring for him, he needs you to be there for him! Thanks to my friends, "relatives" and relatives for inviting my sweetheart to all the parties! Thanks to my employers for understanding and letting me take time of to be with him!

Big hugs,

Desert fun

2^nd morning in Dubai, feeling fresh and ready for a new day. Today I wanted to visit the Burj Dubai tower, the tallest building in the world. Obviously if you are in Dubai it's a sight you have to visit, unless you are scared of heights like my dad. So we didn't have breakfast because of Ramadan it was easier to wake up a bit later, go spend some time at the pool and have a heavy lunch at the hotel (they served food during Ramadan) before heading out to the city. At the hotel they recommended us to take a taxi instead of the metro since taxis's are really cheap in Dubai. The trip cost us only 5€ which is really really cheap on a Finnish standard.

So we arrived at the Dubai mall and had a bit of a walk around. While I was gonna go to the tower, my dad chose to stay firmly on the ground and visit the Dubai aquarium. The aquarium is a mighty sight, a huge tank filled with water and fish located right in the middle of the mall. So I sett off to find the entrance to the tower while my dad stayed at the aquarium for a tour. It was not really an easy job finding one relatively small entrance in the world's biggest mall but I managed to find it on time. So up we go! First of course there was a security check like in every major tourist attraction nowadays, and an annoyingly long hallway full of exhibits about the tower and how it was built. It was very obvious how very proud they are about it, I was rather annoyed by it (very propaganda-ish) and wanted just to go up. Well I got to the elevator and up we went. Like really fast, it took just a minute to get up to the 124^th floor.  To be honest, the views weren't maybe the best I've seen, mainly because of the badly polluted air. You couldn't see the sea or anything, just some skyscrapers and sand. A lot of sand. Still pretty cool being high up over Dubai on the tallest building in the world. There was also an option to go around 20 floors higher but it costed like 100€?! Way too much for a ticket, since the basic was already around 40€. Luckily I was traveling with my dad haha. 

After around 45 minutes I decided to head back down and meet up with my dad. It took me like 20 minutes to get back to the aquarium because of the ridiculously big mall. I met up with my dad and we headed back to the hotel by taxi. At the hotel I looked up online for some quadbike safaris in the desert. We ended up booking a nice one I found, it included quadbiking and some dune bashing in a Land Cruiser. So we chilled out at the hotel some time waiting for Ramadan to end so we could go get some food. The time finally came and we went on the hunt for food like a pair of hungry lions. We bumped into this Lebanese buffet that served buffet (there are a lot of special buffets around the city during the Holy month) and had a really tasty meal! They served pretty much all kinds of Lebanese food and there even was a whole barbecued lamb which was incredibly tender. We stuffed ourselves so bad the 500 m walk back to the hotel felt like a marathon. We went to bed pretty soon since tomorrow was gonna be a big day in the desert!

Today was gonna be the most active day so far. We booked a desert safari trip including dune bashing (you go fast in the desert with a 4x4), quadbiking and sandboarding. The day started a bit earlier than the others, we had a pick-up from the hotel at 9 o'clock taking us outside of town to the desert. It was like half an hour drive to the outskirts of town where the view turned into desert only. Soon the car took off from the main road onto a sandy little track. This is where the fun started. Our driver started to hit the gas and the car was bouncing and jumping on the sand dunes. It was hard to stay in our seats even with the seat belt on, but awesome fun!! Some 20 minutes later we arrived at this small camp in the middle of nowhere and stepped out of the car. My god it was hot! The temperature was around 45°C and the sand reflected the heat like crazy. There were a few quadbikes lined up ready to hit the dunes. Due to the summer and the day trip we choose (nobody goes to the desert in such weather conditions) there was nobody else than us which suited me rather fine. We hopped on the machines and took off into the dunes. There was the guides Land Cruiser in front of us guiding (luckily since we would have been lost in the desert in no time) and driving us around some cool spots. At one point we arrived at this big wall, like a few kilometers long at least which apparently was the palace for the King of Dubai. The other side we saw ages ago driving by the tarmac road so this place was immensely huge. Well back to the main thing: quads, we took off again into the dunes and had a blast going fast, racing and jumping over huge walls of sand. The time literally flew past driving through and we had to return back to base and give up the quads.

Next up it was time to test the sandboard. It was basically a normal snowboard, worn to scratches from all the sand. I had to walk up to this small hill from where I went down. It was rather easy (I've skied a lot but never snowboarded) and it didn't go too fast. But awesome! I went up once again but gave up after it because the heat was just killing me and the sand burning through my shoes. At least I tried it and maybe next time I'll try snowboarding instead of skiing! It was time to head back to the city and we were kinda happy to get out of the desert heat. On the way we stopped to fill up the tires (you have to empty them a bit if you go driving on sand) and obviously it was also a touristic stop to make some money. I didn't buy anything and my dad just bought a pack of cigs and a lighter he didn't even need but they tried to sell it with effort. I guess nobody else tends to stop there (it's located in the middle of nowhere) so even selling a lighter to make an extra dollar is a deal for them. We took off from the shop and headed back to another world with all the glam and hustle in Dubai city.

In the background you can see the camp and quads.

Arriving at the hotel we were really tired from all the heat and decided to take a small nap. It really hits you hard when you're not used to the heat. So we took a little break and were all fresh again after it, ready to eat some lunch and hit the swimming pool. The best thing you can do on a hot day! We went to the hotel restaurant (surprise) to eat some lunch. I took some noodles with chicken and my dad had a burger. Pretty boring compared to what Dubai has to offer but it was still Ramadan so no choice really. For dinner we were gonna find something nice then. After lunch it was time to head to the roof and take a dive in the cool water. What a refreshing feeling! On the roof they also served drinks which was a huge plus, but you had to drink them behind a secluded area. Kinda weird they serve but you have to hide it? Well nonetheless it was a good thing to get some cold drinks in the heat. The views were also really nice from the roof, you could see the skyline from the Burj Dubai area. We got enough from the swimming and the sun was also slowly starting to set which meant we could soon get some food! Time to shower up and hunt for a place to eat. I just checked on Google maps for fun what is around the hotel and found this meat orientated place and as sworn carnivores decided to check out the place. It ended up being a heaven of meat! It was a buffet with 17, yes SEVENTEEN different kinds of meat dishes! We just jumped in and went totally crazy, I even tried every single one of those and yes, each one was really really good. Some people looked at us a bit funny since we were the only western people at the place, apparently it was popular among the local Pakistani and Indian population. I mean it's a good thing, usually the less tourists you see at a restaurant the better and cheaper it is. The rule was accurate here aswel. It was hard to walk the 500 meters back to the hotel after stuffing ourselves with all that meat, but we made it though. We were both really tired and just crashed into bed and went to sleep.

View from the hotel roof terrace. In the background the Burj Dubai tower.

Europe road trip video!

The new video about our Europe road trip finally here too!

Here is the link if the video doesn't work:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSNYin98Z1c

Places we visited:

Budapest, Hungary

Pula, Croatia

Rovinj, Croatia

Piran, Slovenia

Venice, Italy

Lake Garda, Italy

Innsbruck, Austria

Vaduz, Lichtenstein 

Lake Bodensee, Switzerland 

Oberstdorf, Germany

Neuschwanstein Castle, Germany

Prague, Czech Republic

Krakow, Poland

Tatra mountains, Slovakia

And many tiny places on the road, places we ended up stopping for ice cream, pictures, gas and food!

We were a little unsure about our plans for the Summer. We had talked about making a trip somewhere in Europe. Or Tokyo. Or The Maldives. But there were also those questions about rain seasons, time, time difference, my work and Arno's military service. So we decided that the best place to go would be Europe. So we decided to rent a car, buy ticket's to fly to Budapest and book the first hotel there. Nothing else planed really. We had some countries and cities we wanted to go and places we wanted to see, but nothing final. With those 12 and half days booked for travelling we kind of just went as we wanted. 

Every morning as we woke up we had no clue about the coming day or where we would spend the night. But I mean how awesome was it? The freedom. To take every day as it came. To be impulsive, look for the small towns on the map that seemed to be the most authentic and interesting. To sit down on a beach, looking to the other side of the bay, to the side of Slovenia and just decide to drive there for some more sunshine. To find the weirdest accommodation in the middle of nowhere in a small town on the mountains. To randomly bump into a man who offered us a boat for rent and after 10 minutes be cruising around the beautiful Garda. To get stuck in traffic, which leads us to driving down from the highway to stop at this little town with the cheapest ever stake restaurant where no one spoke English. To drive down the coast in the middle of the night for some night sky shots. To find a waterfall in the middle of a forest and sit down for breakfast on a big rock next to it. To find a playground while looking for a gas station on the mountains and just fooling around. And everything else. We didn't plan a lot of things, like visiting the Lake Garda until we found a cheap hotel there. We weren't gonna stop in Prague but it was a good pit stop on our way to Krakow. We had not planned taking a tour through Lichtenstein or Switzerland until one night in Croatia I just said aloud that maybe we could do it. But I was so happy to end up all those places.

Our 12 days felt like a forever. Yet every day was so fresh, so fun and so breathtaking! I wouldn't give up a second. We saw so much it's crazy and experienced places I've never been before. 7 new countries added to my list of places I've visited! And 11 countries was our total number on that trip. Yes it was hard to come back to the normal life with 8-16 workdays, emails, paperwork etc. But we never stop travelling and planing. We have done some more trips since returning from our road trip but I'm slow with editing, sorry :) More coming soon!

To measure love

I remember being that excited teenage girl I was last September. With my hair still salty from the sea water, sand in my ears, skin golden from the sun, abrasions on my elbows from surfboard, wounds in my feet from the coral and a cut in my toe from jumping off the cliff in Hawaii. Tired from travelling for two days from the other side of the world. But so excited to be back home that my heart couldn't stop beating while waiting for my bags at the airport. To see everyone again after living in a different continent for over a year. 

I remember being that scared girl I was few days later. Being back, starting a new job, moving to a new apartment, trying to create a new life and connect with the one I had left behind. Being so unsure about the future.

'
I remember that night in our house warming party when you stood in front of me, tall and handsome. Yet so scary I didn't dare to say anything but a quick hello before walking away. 

I remember the next weekend you came back to my house to hang out. How I got to actually talk to you. How we talked about travelling, living abroad, doing exotic things, exploring and adventuring. How I didn't like the competition, didn't want you to steal my spotlight, to have the same passion. How I decided to ignore you. But how that day you actually became the first friend I made in this new life of mine.

I remember when we kept hanging out. How we started talking more. How we found out that we have a lot in common. How we could spend the whole night dancing, shared our sorrows during the dark hours, joked about going to Africa together, cheered each other in flip cups, ordered some aftermath pizza and celebrated our birthdays making pancakes and listening to 70's and 80's songs. How I one night told that you are a really good friend, really so special and how I already had this feeling that I always want to keep you in my life. That you get me on a different level. You agreed. Fist bump.

I remember hunting for haunted houses together, driving, drinking sodas at gas stations, sharing a chocolate bar, watching old pictures, visiting your house for the first time...

I remember you moving to Albania. Leaving me with that one kiss on a parking lot before driving to the dark night.

I remember the butterflies. The long phone calls. The messages. Skype. Pictures from Albania. Sending letters. Missing you. Everyday. How we talked about normal stuff, everything. Culture shock, fitting in, moving away, getting friends and how it all was so hard. How you got me when many couldn't even imagine what it felt like. 

I remember when I woke up one night with the thought in my head that I need to go, need to go now. How I booked airplane tickets to you for the weekend. Surprise. How almost everyone told me I am irrational and naive, that I shouldn't go. I remember thinking was I making a mistake, will I regret. How I went anyway.

I remember how it all began.

It's been heck of a ride. 11 months of friendship, 6 months of dating, being a couple. Visiting 15 countries together. Living across Europe from each other for months, in distance and time difference. Unsure about any plans. Making irrational decisions about travelling to Albania, Africa, or Europe. Living in the moment, bungee jumping, cruising around Garda with a motorboat, climbing a pyramid. Now the army.

I have to say that extempore take off to Albania was the best decision I have ever made. Coming up with the idea of travelling together to Africa is the best drunken promise I've ever made. And not giving up a friendship even tho there was thousands of kilometers in between, the best thing that happened to us.

It was never easy nor clear that things would work out like they did. We've had our fair share of struggle for sure. Kind of rough start to be honest. I never thought I would fall in love like that. I never had before. And I didn't want to, not with someone living so far away (in that point the plan was for him to stay there 'til the army would start but life happened and things changed). But I did. 

It all sure has made us stronger and closer. We can still share a lot even tho we don't always share the daily life. It has given us the opportunity to talk about everything and nothing for months and get close on that level, because we couldn't be physically near. To really see what matters in a relationship. We got to figure it all out by ourselves. Our relationship, our feelings, I never really talked about it to anyone before Albania so that way our relationship and everything that happened was between us, we weren't pressured to do anything or advised to do something else. And the distance for sure gave us time. We couldn't rush things. The only way I jumped into a relationship was jumping into that airplane and by that time we had known already for 5 months. 

So this is why it gets so confusing in my head when I hear these comments of us being still such a fresh couple. That I don't know enough to say that I am actually in love or this will last or I am in this for the long run. That half a year is not a long time, still the honeymoon phase, hormones and all. That I am young or can not really know my sweetheart. Or am too in love to see things straight. Or first love doesn't last. Or I haven't dated enough guys or had enough one-night stands (because I never liked them). Or I am not so experienced what comes to relationships, the problems will come, we will get bored with each other when time passes etc etc... 

I sure know that people have different stances or views when it comes to love. That love means different things to different people. But in my mind love can not be measured by time. You can be in a relationship for years and feel nothing or a few months and feel everything. The heart doesn't wear a watch or count days in a calendar. So how I see it there's no point or time period that makes you a love expert and your relationship more mature or better than someone else's. You can not tell me that you have known longer or been together longer because to me it's not about how long we have known each other but how well we know each other. I measure - like someone sometime put it - not by moments of time but the timeless moments. We have been lucky to experience together so much and to do things during our time together many couples never get to experience or do during their whole life. Does this make our relationship better than someone else's? No. It makes it different. It makes it ours. 

I love my sweetheart. I loved him yesterday, I love him today and I will love him tomorrow. I don't love him because he is my boyfriend or because we are dating. He is my boyfriend because I love him. My love is as good as someone else's, my feelings are true and right even tho they haven't been there forever but stand the same chance to last forever as anyone else's. Every love story or life long love has started with the first day and first 6 months, so my 6 months are as worthy as yours. There are much more important things in relationships than the time or anniversary date.

I appreciate advises, but I will ask for them if I want them, I don't need to be taught when my relationship is doing fine. Who is anyone anyway to tell me how to handle my relationship when I'm the one in it? I have handled things just fine so far without opinions from outside. Or doing the opposite everyone tells me, like following my heart when people told me to be rational and wise - thanks to my heart I am in this relationship. I have seen other people do their mistakes and I don't need to make the same mistakes to learn the same lessons. I don't need to date thousands of guys to figure myself out or to get experienced. I don't need to cheat or be cheated on to be as wise or careful in relationships than someone else. I don't need to follow other paths. I will create my own. I don't need to make the same mistakes, I will make my own - after all we are not perfect here, none of us. But I sure am good enough already. Me - a not comparable individual. 

So we settled down to celebrate our semi-annual day this weekend because next weekend is so so booked in our calendars.  It was almost 6 pm when my sweetheart got home from the military base. We almost got late from our restaurant reservation we had booked. The restaurant we had picked with care, it was this former jail, nowadays' restaurant and hotel, Jailbird. It was a nice restaurant and quite a funny night. First we got asked if we were minors and then this Finnish waitress who spoke Finnish to everyone else was going all English with us. Maybe we looked like tourist or something. We were gonna go for all the three courses, but got too full.. The food was sooooo good! But we had to have our dessert at home. So I pulled out some stuff from my dessert hides and served macaroons, coconut bolls and donut smoothies! My mom surprised us with a call (more about that later) and we fell asleep with stomachs full. And as Sunday of course is the day for banana protein pancakes we had to start our morning with those! And some longboarding, and fooling around, and some more longboarding. Such a nice  short weekend!

And to my sweet Arno: I want to tell you how much I care, respect and love you. The time with you has been unforgivable and beautiful. Our 6 months, the best in my life. You understand me, take care of me and always find a way to put a smile on my face. I learn so much from you every day, you help me see things I never noticed - even in myself. I treasure every moment together. And can not wait what the future holds. Thank you for choosing me!

Love,

Very Finnish weekend with Germans

Hi folks! Sorry for the radio silence. I've had some personal issues to work out (nothing related to our relationship, travelling or anything and situations have calmed a bit so no worries) and Arno is busy being a soldier. Not too much time for updating and really nothing to tell when it feels like my whole life is jumping loops right now... Many things are about to change in the near future from my address to job and school. Have done plans from B to Z on what to do if the carpet gets pulled from under my feet. But I have hopes up that in the end everything will work out. Thank goodness for good friends, relatives and Arno! But now.. let me tell you something about my not yet ended weekend that has been so amazing and fun!

My throat was hurting and I barely made a sound so I got off from work early on Friday. Jumped into my car and drove home to enjoy my quiet time in front of Netflix. And by three o'clock I also found my so far hidden appetite and had to make some late lunch. Gave a call to my brother who I happened to wake up (because it is completely normal for a teenager to sleep 'til 3 pm).  Asked him if he wanted to come for a sleepover to Arno's house at the country side and he mumbled that we was in so I told him to be ready since I'd pick him up in 45 minutes. 

So I pulled my stuff together, jumped into the car and cruised to my parents - said hi to them since they had just returned from Ireland - and rushed my Luukas to the car. We listened to music as we drove the 45 minutes to the military base to pick up Arno. Got this amazing idea to turn the music up high and play a song called MAFIA as we drove down to the parking lot with our sunglasses on and windows down. Tho we were a little too scared to put it on loud and kind of just quietly rolled in a little ashamed. Arno laughed at us, jumped into the car and turned the music up twice as high waiving byes to his soldier buddies and pressing the gas. I guess he was happy to get off!

We flew buy a supermarket which was a baaaad idea to do that hungry because we found ourselves lining one kilogram of candy, chips, sodas and three bags of sausage and bacon to the cashier.. Well, we would not starve to death. At that we sure did not. Luukas got this awesome idea to cover the already bacon tasting sausages with bacon as Arno warmed up the grill. I was much happier with my BBQ-pinapples but never thought bacon-bacon-bacon-sausage would be that good! The things you learn hanging out with two boys! 

We ate, grilled chocolate bananas, ran from angry bees and ended up laughing on the terrace floor. Then we sat down in the yard swing, ate some more, made jokes, talked and smoked some hookah until the sun went down. For the rest of the night we sat down for a comedy.

The next morning Arno made breakfast as I was doing my makeup and my teenage brother still sleeping. We hit the road after 11 am and started driving towards Tampere, a city two hours away from the capital. We stopped in the biggest mall, shopped without actually buying anything (Arno almost bought Helly Hansen shoes) and met my parents there for coffee and ice cream. Then we headed to my grandparents through a quick stop in our hotel. At my grandparents I finally saw my cousins, my cousin's boyfriend, my ant, uncle and their dog! They live in Germany - always have - and we used to visit them a lot more often but as both me and my brother have been living abroad and they travelling elsewhere it had been a whole 6 years since our last visit at their house. They live so up north that I haven't even passed by on my other trips to Munich or on our road trip. What a blast to meet everyone again! So much screaming, hugging and talking! That's the thing. Living far away from people close to you is hard, yes. You get used to it, yes. But when you see them again it's like nothing never changed and you forget that there was ever any time or space in between you. 

After few hours of talking we started to head towards the harbor where we had a dinner cruise scheduled because of my ant's birthday. Too bad we couldn't get a taxi due the heavy rain and fitting 15 people to our cars wasn't a piece of cake either so Arno was supposed to pick me and my two older cousins up. And it was getting so late that Arno had to really gas through the city to catch the ferry, we ran from the parking lot, the captain promised to wait 5 minutes and we made it! In the ship there was this long table waiting for us and waiters serving us drinks. 3 hours of buffet food, talking, eating, live music, pictures and nice views. Arno and Luukas had a blueberry pie eating competition that they couldn't solve since the pie ran out before they got full.. Hahah! Oh my sweet boys! 

When the cruise ended we headed back to the hotel and instead of taking our longboard for a night run as we had planed we decided to rest and steam the room with a warm shower since both of us were pretty sick still. But the next morning feeling a lot better! Headed down for breakfast (so nice when someone else cooks and cleans the dishes for you) and headed out to our cousins summer cottage they had rented. We tried fishing, Arno found some worms and I caught them (okay yeah I know they are not so fast)! But the fish ate our worms without getting caught themselves :( So no fish! So we got bored to that and jumped to the lake, even my grandma! When the sauna had gotten warm we sat in there enjoying the heat and rushed back to the cool water (I will so be sick tomorrow)! Then came the thunder that forced us back to sauna and up to the cabin to eat! My uncle is a cook and he was grilling so no one was complaining, so tasty! I ate so so much I really thought I would explode! Arno who is so tired of the not so nutritious food in the army had like 5 plates of beat, chicken, sausages, fish, cheese, ribs and vegetables. And obviously we had some dessert too! After this heavy amount of food we all lied down to siesta for a moment until we got an idea to go for a boat ride. Someone made out a point that the boat could hold only 3 people so that started the tight race down to the pier. All the six of us wanted to get in so we tried some limits and the boat floated just enough to carry us all! So there we were rowing and singing around the lake. Too bad that soon after that we had to hit the road to return Arno for the service of the Finnish army.

So that's about our weekend. I will be posting more soon but no promises made when. This week is gonna start a conglomeration of celebrations that will be my life the next few weeks! Hen parties, weddings, 50-years birthdays, engagement parties, our semi-annual day, dinners etc. But more about all that and everything else later! :)

Creetings,
Linnea