To measure love

I remember being that excited teenage girl I was last September. With my hair still salty from the sea water, sand in my ears, skin golden from the sun, abrasions on my elbows from surfboard, wounds in my feet from the coral and a cut in my toe from jumping off the cliff in Hawaii. Tired from travelling for two days from the other side of the world. But so excited to be back home that my heart couldn't stop beating while waiting for my bags at the airport. To see everyone again after living in a different continent for over a year. 

I remember being that scared girl I was few days later. Being back, starting a new job, moving to a new apartment, trying to create a new life and connect with the one I had left behind. Being so unsure about the future.

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I remember that night in our house warming party when you stood in front of me, tall and handsome. Yet so scary I didn't dare to say anything but a quick hello before walking away. 

I remember the next weekend you came back to my house to hang out. How I got to actually talk to you. How we talked about travelling, living abroad, doing exotic things, exploring and adventuring. How I didn't like the competition, didn't want you to steal my spotlight, to have the same passion. How I decided to ignore you. But how that day you actually became the first friend I made in this new life of mine.

I remember when we kept hanging out. How we started talking more. How we found out that we have a lot in common. How we could spend the whole night dancing, shared our sorrows during the dark hours, joked about going to Africa together, cheered each other in flip cups, ordered some aftermath pizza and celebrated our birthdays making pancakes and listening to 70's and 80's songs. How I one night told that you are a really good friend, really so special and how I already had this feeling that I always want to keep you in my life. That you get me on a different level. You agreed. Fist bump.

I remember hunting for haunted houses together, driving, drinking sodas at gas stations, sharing a chocolate bar, watching old pictures, visiting your house for the first time...

I remember you moving to Albania. Leaving me with that one kiss on a parking lot before driving to the dark night.

I remember the butterflies. The long phone calls. The messages. Skype. Pictures from Albania. Sending letters. Missing you. Everyday. How we talked about normal stuff, everything. Culture shock, fitting in, moving away, getting friends and how it all was so hard. How you got me when many couldn't even imagine what it felt like. 

I remember when I woke up one night with the thought in my head that I need to go, need to go now. How I booked airplane tickets to you for the weekend. Surprise. How almost everyone told me I am irrational and naive, that I shouldn't go. I remember thinking was I making a mistake, will I regret. How I went anyway.

I remember how it all began.

It's been heck of a ride. 11 months of friendship, 6 months of dating, being a couple. Visiting 15 countries together. Living across Europe from each other for months, in distance and time difference. Unsure about any plans. Making irrational decisions about travelling to Albania, Africa, or Europe. Living in the moment, bungee jumping, cruising around Garda with a motorboat, climbing a pyramid. Now the army.

I have to say that extempore take off to Albania was the best decision I have ever made. Coming up with the idea of travelling together to Africa is the best drunken promise I've ever made. And not giving up a friendship even tho there was thousands of kilometers in between, the best thing that happened to us.

It was never easy nor clear that things would work out like they did. We've had our fair share of struggle for sure. Kind of rough start to be honest. I never thought I would fall in love like that. I never had before. And I didn't want to, not with someone living so far away (in that point the plan was for him to stay there 'til the army would start but life happened and things changed). But I did. 

It all sure has made us stronger and closer. We can still share a lot even tho we don't always share the daily life. It has given us the opportunity to talk about everything and nothing for months and get close on that level, because we couldn't be physically near. To really see what matters in a relationship. We got to figure it all out by ourselves. Our relationship, our feelings, I never really talked about it to anyone before Albania so that way our relationship and everything that happened was between us, we weren't pressured to do anything or advised to do something else. And the distance for sure gave us time. We couldn't rush things. The only way I jumped into a relationship was jumping into that airplane and by that time we had known already for 5 months. 

So this is why it gets so confusing in my head when I hear these comments of us being still such a fresh couple. That I don't know enough to say that I am actually in love or this will last or I am in this for the long run. That half a year is not a long time, still the honeymoon phase, hormones and all. That I am young or can not really know my sweetheart. Or am too in love to see things straight. Or first love doesn't last. Or I haven't dated enough guys or had enough one-night stands (because I never liked them). Or I am not so experienced what comes to relationships, the problems will come, we will get bored with each other when time passes etc etc... 

I sure know that people have different stances or views when it comes to love. That love means different things to different people. But in my mind love can not be measured by time. You can be in a relationship for years and feel nothing or a few months and feel everything. The heart doesn't wear a watch or count days in a calendar. So how I see it there's no point or time period that makes you a love expert and your relationship more mature or better than someone else's. You can not tell me that you have known longer or been together longer because to me it's not about how long we have known each other but how well we know each other. I measure - like someone sometime put it - not by moments of time but the timeless moments. We have been lucky to experience together so much and to do things during our time together many couples never get to experience or do during their whole life. Does this make our relationship better than someone else's? No. It makes it different. It makes it ours. 

I love my sweetheart. I loved him yesterday, I love him today and I will love him tomorrow. I don't love him because he is my boyfriend or because we are dating. He is my boyfriend because I love him. My love is as good as someone else's, my feelings are true and right even tho they haven't been there forever but stand the same chance to last forever as anyone else's. Every love story or life long love has started with the first day and first 6 months, so my 6 months are as worthy as yours. There are much more important things in relationships than the time or anniversary date.

I appreciate advises, but I will ask for them if I want them, I don't need to be taught when my relationship is doing fine. Who is anyone anyway to tell me how to handle my relationship when I'm the one in it? I have handled things just fine so far without opinions from outside. Or doing the opposite everyone tells me, like following my heart when people told me to be rational and wise - thanks to my heart I am in this relationship. I have seen other people do their mistakes and I don't need to make the same mistakes to learn the same lessons. I don't need to date thousands of guys to figure myself out or to get experienced. I don't need to cheat or be cheated on to be as wise or careful in relationships than someone else. I don't need to follow other paths. I will create my own. I don't need to make the same mistakes, I will make my own - after all we are not perfect here, none of us. But I sure am good enough already. Me - a not comparable individual. 

So we settled down to celebrate our semi-annual day this weekend because next weekend is so so booked in our calendars.  It was almost 6 pm when my sweetheart got home from the military base. We almost got late from our restaurant reservation we had booked. The restaurant we had picked with care, it was this former jail, nowadays' restaurant and hotel, Jailbird. It was a nice restaurant and quite a funny night. First we got asked if we were minors and then this Finnish waitress who spoke Finnish to everyone else was going all English with us. Maybe we looked like tourist or something. We were gonna go for all the three courses, but got too full.. The food was sooooo good! But we had to have our dessert at home. So I pulled out some stuff from my dessert hides and served macaroons, coconut bolls and donut smoothies! My mom surprised us with a call (more about that later) and we fell asleep with stomachs full. And as Sunday of course is the day for banana protein pancakes we had to start our morning with those! And some longboarding, and fooling around, and some more longboarding. Such a nice  short weekend!

And to my sweet Arno: I want to tell you how much I care, respect and love you. The time with you has been unforgivable and beautiful. Our 6 months, the best in my life. You understand me, take care of me and always find a way to put a smile on my face. I learn so much from you every day, you help me see things I never noticed - even in myself. I treasure every moment together. And can not wait what the future holds. Thank you for choosing me!

Love,